Have a "Hopeful" Easter

It is only because of my faith in God and my belief that Jesus Christ died on the cross to save me... from myself, that I have Hope, literally and figuratively.

From the moment I began trying to conceive a second child until Kate was placed in my arms was 9 years, 5 months. It would be an additional 16 months until Hope was placed in my arms. It is difficult to describe those years. Even though I was already incredibly blessed with the most amazing little boy, it was not enough for me or for him. The drive inside me to fix this had its own power.  Those who know me best, know that I am not really 'driven' by much. "A Type" is not EVER used to describe me, I savor life, I take things slow, I am introspective, a deep thinker, a dreamer.... I don't find a lot in life worth 'fighting' over. I am a realist, I am one to make due, find joy in what I have.... but this... this had a power of its own.

This period of my life began when Chris began nursery school and would last all the way through 6th grade. His entire elementary years. I was so blessed and happy being his mother but I had a fog of frustration and sadness blowing in and out on a regular basis. I always felt guilty for this. For not being happy with the amazing life I already had, for wanting more...

For 10 years I prayed. I prayed to become pregnant, I prayed that God would lift the desire from my heart, I prayed for adoption, I prayed for guidance, I prayed.... and my faith grew and strengthened. God brought me through those years.

I believe, God's perfect plan for me was to be a mother, to give birth to all of my children, to not suffer a moment of unhappiness. I believe this imperfect life got in the way and caused my infertility. I don't believe He caused me to be infertile, so I would adopt my precious girls, any more than I believe that he made them orphans so that I could be their mother. I believe He could have easily, healed me and helped me move on but He chose not to. I believe that it was Him driving me to overcome what this imperfect world handed me and put me back on the path He intended for me all along.

I am humbled that God would provide me with, not only a HOPE for an eternal life free of illness and sadness but, in this life, He turned my brokenness into something perfect and beautiful.

He gives us Hope for a future, now. We just need to ask, believe and then let Him do the rest..